Worst Rage Ever
Posted on March 12, 2009 - Filed Under Football, Internets | 3 Comments
Usually, when somebody links to a YouTube video and says “I bet you can’t sit through the whole thing!”, what they really mean is either “this is infuriating” or “this is dire”. Thus, it’s usually possible to sit through the video but it’s not very enjoyable to do so. However, there are times when the wager holds up, such as in this example, which I genuinely could not bear to watch anymore after about two minutes (the only reason I persevered with it for so long was that it had been linked with the warning that “[t]his is going to be the most difficult challenge of your life.”)
For a long time (or a few weeks at any rate) I did not think this feat could be repeated. How could something be so bad, so idiotic, so juvenile and so downright wrong that it could plumb to deeper depths of human degeneracy than that video? Well enter Stephen H. Webb, a professor of religion and philosophy at Wabash College, and his article about how “soccer”, by which he means football, is ruining America. The piece is in jest, of course; Webb doesn’t sincerely believe that football is destroying America. However, I can’t say this for certain, because the article is so goddamn bad that I couldn’t read it all. I presume that some of the things he says are purely for fun, and others mostly for fun but intended to illustrate what he thinks are serious points, or maybe he’s just a troll of epic proportions, but, whatever his intent, the whole thing made me seethe. I’m not even going to dig quotes out of it because the chore will just enrage me further. Go read it yourself, ‘if you dare!11′.
Update: I don’t want to start making a habit of this (see last post), but having calmed down a little bit and forced myself to look at the article in sections I find I’m now a little less upset with Prof. Webb. The last part of it was even kind of amusing. Webb just doesn’t understand the appeal of football, and he thinks that American sports are inherently better for a variety of reasons, and obviously I disagree with him on all of this. However, the article is neither “bad” nor “idiotic” nor “juvenile” nor “wrong”, it just wound me up, and so it looks like that YouTube clip remains the worst thing on the internet.
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I lasted 3 minutes and 15 seconds.
Dude kept his clothes on the whole time. Fucking cocktease.
The article was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. It was poking fun at both the self-serious “X is Ruining America” type articles by picking on an easy target. Oddly, the fact that so many soccer lovers missed that its a joke–the “A Jermiad” in the title didn’t give away that it was intentionally over-the-top?–was funnier than the actual article. ; )
@Brian That comment made me choke with laughter!